When it comes to hard life lessons, I don’t learn easily. And parenting is hard as hell. But as we all know, it’s often pain that forces us to adjust– and when harnessed correctly it can be your portal for transformation. 

It took years of self-doubt, self-denial, tears, arguments, blaming, the list goes on, until I ended up in urgent care for skyrocketing blood pressure, heart palpitations, heaviness in my chest and intense pain. There I was at the top of my game, with all I ever wanted, yet I was miserable. Nothing was working. Counseling wasn’t working. Anxiety medication wasn’t working. I was completely lost. The doctor put his hand on my shoulder and looked me square in the eye. What he said next finally made everything click.

Caitlin, if you love your family and want to be here when you kids grow up, you better stop listening to that voice in your head and its false ways.” My first defense reaction was, “what the fuck, voice in my head? You have no idea how hard I’m working and everything I’m responsible for and there is no one, NO ONE that will help me! Apparently not even you!” And with that internal rant, it became clear what voice he was talking about…my ego.

Ahhhhh, the ego.

A day later, I had an interaction with one of my daughters that ignited a firestorm of emotion within me. Again, I had this brief moment of realization that the feelings and thoughts racing through me really had nothing to do with my daughter. It was my ego, again, retaliating against any form of control or dominance based on my past conditioning.

In the span of a few days, I had a doctor tell me I may not see my family for much longer if I continued functioning this way and my daughter reminding me of why that was the next day. Despite years of warning signs, it took the emotional consequences bringing me close to death before I took it seriously. That is what pain can do for us. Often it is only when we are in enough discomfort that we are motivated to grow from it.

I started reading Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s books on conscious parenting and this knowledge, combined with my work over the last decade around personal development, allowed me to develop a much better understanding of my ego and how our kids reflect our egos like nothing else.

Our discomfort motivates growth, and children know how to create this discomfort for us.

Eventually, I enrolled in Dr. Shefali’s coaching institute and had the privilege to be mentored by her personally. The experience was life changing. I developed a deep appreciation for how our children raise our own consciousness, nearly on a daily basis! It is in this parental relationship that I could finally integrate and embody all my previous learnings. It became real, not theatrical.

And the best part? All parents have these incredible little teachers available for personal instruction!

Now I have launched Raising Parents Coaching with the mission to help parents rediscover their inner worth to create a better future for themselves, their children and the world. If you are feeling alone, overwhelmed, judged, insecure—any of these big feelings, know that they are here for a reason and calling you to your next level of growth.

Parenting is a lifelong commitment to personal growth and development. I am right here with you on that journey to share learning’s, make mistakes, and continue to evolve together.

parenting is painful