February 15th, 2022
I have always believed we each have a purpose in this life. But I also believed that my occupation had to reflect that purpose. This belief led me to change my major in college about 10 times and change jobs every year after graduation. But no matter what I changed to, nothing felt right and my work felt empty. I continued to push forward until I found cultures definition of success.
Don’t mistake your occupation for your purpose.
A six-figure salary, two kids, a great marriage and nice house— this is it, right? What more could I want? I was incredibly grateful, don’t get me wrong. But, I still felt like I wasn’t fulfilling my deeper purpose. I was also getting sick of looking for it.
Concurrently, I also found myself increasingly frustrated with my kids and worrying about their future every time something didn’t go exactly as planned. How could this be when I was a successful project manager overseeing a global program at a Fortune 100 company? I sure as hell should be able to plan my kids schedule for success! My egoic ways started to crack when I discovered the teachings of conscious parenting and through this crack my purpose also emerged.
Our ego will always have us chasing an illusion of purpose.
Conscious parenting began to unravel how I was projecting all my internal feelings of unworthiness on my work and on my 4-year-old. I started to discover how my perfectionist nature, something I use to wear as a badge of honor, was really unresolved wounds from my childhood clouding my vision. I was viewing my relationship with my kids, my husband, friends and coworkers with skewed lenses causing me to get stuck in a continual emotional cycle of guilt, worry and need for validation.
This is why I could never experience true joy or see my true purpose. These unconscious beliefs were blocking my ability to see my children for who they truly were and understand what my purpose truly was. My purpose was already within me and could be found in any moment that brought me joy.
Purpose comes from internal joy. It does not come from something on the outside or from someone. You don’t need to find it! It is already there. It was always there. But I couldn’t access it because my inner being was not grounded in self-worth.
Purpose is present moment joy.
Our young kids live in genuine abundance and the present moment. They are not concerned with what the future holds or what happened in the past. They are completely unaware of the concept of lack or scarcity. This is why they hold the capacity to be our greatest teachers, if we let them. Grasping this simple truth is what finally stopped my desperate search for my purpose.
The fullness I now feel from the joy of an ordinary day is like nothing I could ever imagine. And my kids continue to guide me down paths of self-discovery in ways I don’t believe I would ever find without their lead.
Where do you find joy now? How can you grow more of it in your day-to-day life?